Let's Make A List
by Equivamp
Summary: Bella Swan likes making lists, cracking jokes, dressing emo, and hanging with the boys. What happens when her bestfriend is a married vampire who she just happens to be in love with? OOC Bella. Rated M for occasional language.
1. Preface

There are some things in life that are absolute certainties.

Things like:

- The sun rising in the east and setting in the west.

- Monday mornings are always bad.

- No matter how many apples you eat, you still have to get a physical every year.

So I recently composed a list of absolute certainties, certainties that specifically affect the course of my own life.

This is what I have so far:

- My name is Isabella Swan.

- My father loves me enough to not notice what a freak I am.

- The boys at the rez are totally kickass.

- I owe Emmett Cullen my life.

- My best friend is a vampire… and I'm sort of in love with him.


	2. Hell is Green But Atleast I Have Wheels

I stared out the window, slightly horrified by all the green blurring passed my window. Not that it wasn't pretty, I saw the beauty of it, the timelessness… but it was another reminder. A reminder that I had sentenced myself to hell for the next two years of my life.

I know what your thinking. Your thinking, _Hell? Forks isn't great but don't you think your exaggerating just a bit?_

The answer is no. I am being completely reasonable. Now, don't contradict me again. This is my story and its rude to interrupt.

Just incase you don't believe me, let me clarify.

I hate the rain and I hate the cold. Forks? Both rainy and cold.

Not enough for you?

Okay, how about this:

I dress emo. I'm not emo, really I'm not, I just like the clothes and its fun to use the emo stereotypes to freak people out. In a big city, densely populated, its okay to be different. In a small town…not so much. Small towns are like cults… conform or be persecuted.

I'm a tomboy too. Back in Phoenix all of my friends were gifted with the Y chromosome. It went unnoticed and un-scrutinized there. But I'd be willing to bet there aren't many boys in this town who want to hang out with a girl as "just friends" and if there are, I bet my dad's cruiser that my unorthodox social life will not go unnoticed.

So let's make a list. I like lists. I'll call this one the, "Why Forks Equals Hell" list.

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Predicted number of friends: 0

Did I mention last time I was up here to visit I received no less than twelve hugs? Small towns are apparently big on hugging. I hate being touched. Okay, hate is a strong word, I just dislike it. I wasn't assaulted or anything traumatic like that, its just a personality quirk. I have a personal bubble. I don't like it popped.

So we'll amend the list.

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Predicted number of friends: 0

- Surplus of personal bubble invaders

- Town named after eating utensil

See? I _have_ sentenced myself to hell… and hell is very green.

"Bella?" Charlie called my attention away from the scenery.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Remember my friend Billy Black? And his son Jacob?"

Ah, how could I forget. I used to spend a couple weeks out of every summer here until I was about twelve. Billy and Charlie had been friends for ages and sometimes we went down to La Push for a visit.

Billy had twin daughters, Rachel and Rebecca, a little older than me. Rebecca was snobbish, even then, and we hadn't exactly clicked. She made fun of my Tommy Pickles Rugrats plushie and I pulled the head off her Barbie in retaliation. Rachel and I managed to coexist peacefully, but she was too shy for us to make any real headway as friends.

Billy's son, Jacob, was a year younger than me and more my cup of tea. He was perpetually happy and loved Tommy Pickles. So we made mud pies. One time he stole my shovel. I threw my pail at him. He gave me my shovel back.

Did I mention I have a temper?

But Charlie was still waiting expectantly for an answer.

"Yeah, I remember… How are they?"

"Good, but you'll see for yourself. They will be dropping off your homecoming present."

I groaned. "Dad--"

"Now, Bells, I know you don't like gifts, but this will be the exception. I promise."

Doubtful.

My dad had a very skewed idea of what would make good gifts for me. I don't hold it against him, he had so little contact with me during my childhood. I blame Renee. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, I love her so much that I exiled myself here, but she was constantly trying to introduce the appropriate level of estrogen into my system and she used Charlie to do it. He wouldn't know what to get me, he would call her, and then she would make her recommendations. Not that it ever worked, mind you, but still…

We turned down our street and I could see a big rusted pickup in the driveway, with two men waiting next to it. One was unmistakably Billy Black, his face looking wise as ever with all the soft wrinkles deepening with each passing year. The other caused me to do a double take, but I was pretty sure it was Jacob. Huh. He grew up. I used to be taller than him and I tried not to let it bother me that I could no longer flaunt my superior height in his face. As we pulled up alongside the pickup, Jacob gave a smile that stretched ear to ear… oh, yeah, that was the Jacob I remember.

"Bella!" Jacob shouted, rushing forward and swooping me up in a big bear hug.

That's right. A hug. Who called it? You're damn right I did.

"Jacob… must disengage… need oxygen…" I gasped out.

He let me go with a chuckle.

"So, Chief, did you tell her the news?" Billy asked.

"What news?" I interrupted.

"Your homecoming present." Charlie answered and gestured toward the truck.

It took me a second to realize he was implying that I was now the proud owner of a Chevy pickup and a second second to realize that the old man finally got me a good gift. Not just a good gift. A great gift.

"You mean it?" I asked with a smile to match Jacob's.

"Yup. It's all yours kiddo." Charlie answered.

"Ha! I told you Charlie!" Jacob exclaimed. "Charlie wanted to get you a Focus," Jacob stopped to snort and Charlie rolled his eyes, "but I told him if he really loved you he'd get you a truck. I rebuilt the engine on this baby myself, granted it doesn't go much faster than fifty-five miles per, but it will get you where you need to go."

"Do you like it?" Charlie prompted.

"I love it!"

Finally, something I can use! Okay, so maybe hell could be worse. I have a set of wheels now, right? I wouldn't have to be driven to school in Charlie's squad car and that was definitely a plus.

"Wanna test her?" Jacob asked dangling the keys out in front of me.

I grabbed the keys nearly taking his finger off with them. "Come with?" I offered, and without actually waiting for an answer, I began to climb in.

Hey, if he wanted to come he could get his ass in the cab.

He took the hint and climbed in and as we backed out of the driveway he gave a laugh.

I looked over at him and decided to rethink my list.

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Surplus of personal bubble invaders

- Town named after eating utensi

l- Predicted number of friends: 1


	3. I Want To Have Your Babies

I got to school early, mainly because Charlie was pestering me to make a good impression, and sat in the parking lot surveying where I would spend my final two years of high school.

I was not impressed.

The lot had slowly filled in while I stared at the buildings. That's right. _Buildings_. Plural. The rainiest town on the planet and the local high school has to have the unlucky students switch buildings between classes. I swear, they are begging for students to skip. I wonder if its too late to get transferred to the school on the reservation… Or would I have to live there to go there? Maybe Jacob wants a roommate…

I glanced at my watch. It was now or never.

I got out of the truck, dragging my book bag with me, slammed the door and--

"Fuck!" I yelped as my ass and elbows met pavement.

One moment I'm attempting to storm away from my truck, the next I run into…

I looked up to see what exactly I had run into.

"Shit! I'm so sorry…"

I was aware he was babbling on about something but for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to care what. All I could concentrate on was his perfection.

He was wide and muscular, maybe a body builder, and tall too. His head was covered in short dark curls that contrasted with the pale of his skin. His golden eyes were widened in shock and concern as his perfect lips continued to move. I could see on his cheeks, the shadows where dimples would appear if he would only shut up long enough to smile.

Make him smile. I _needed_ to make him smile. I wanted to see those damned dimples.

A high pitched female voice broke me out of my stupor before I could put my plan into action.

"Jeez, Em, kill the new girl, why don't you? Help her up and let's go!"

"Here, let me get you up," He said and without waiting he was behind me, his strong hands on my shoulders, hoisting me to my feet.

I wanted to say a lot of things to that, as my mind slipped into the gutter.

I wanted to say, _Not to worry, you can knock me down, throw me down, tie me down, or all of the above whenever you want._

I wanted to say, _No, no, let me get __**you**__ up._

I wanted to say, _You can get behind me anytime…_

But the propriety filter attached to my brain filtered out all inappropriate responses and all I was left with was, "I'm fine. The chronically clumsy get used to spending time on the ground."

He smiled.

I saw the dimples.

Damn.

I had only had sex once and it wasn't exactly an earth shattering moment in my life. Hell, it sucked, and before this moment, I had no desire to do it again. But that smile… my panties were about to rip themselves off.

"I'm Emmett Cullen," He said.

Hello, Emmett Cullen. You have a body like Hercules. You have a cherub's smile. I'd like to do things to you that would make Pamela Anderson blush.

He was still waiting for a response.

"Bella. Bella Swan. But I'm guessing you and everyone else at this school already know that."

He chuckled. "News does travel fast, but I thought I'd be polite."

"Emmett!" Another female voice called.

Then suddenly she was there.

She was beautiful too. Flowing blonde hair and a body that belonged on the cover of Playboy magazine.

She glared at me and I flinched away from the violence of her gaze.

"Sorry, Rose, I was just introducing my self to Bella."

"Yes," I said; trying to lighten the tense atmosphere that seemed to be emanating from the tall blonde, "I tried to run him over. I would have used my truck to do it instead of my body, but I figured molestation charges were easier to escape than manslaughter."

Emmett laughed and a big booming laugh that echoed shamelessly across the lot.

"We're going to be late," she practically growled through her teeth.

Who knew blondes liked school?

"Alright babe. Bella? It was nice to meet you," Emmett said.

Then he threw his arm around her shoulders and let her lead him away.

Well, that sucks.

He called her babe.

He put his arm around her shoulders.

The glare she gave me? Clearly marking her territory.

Another amendment needs to be made.

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Surplus of personal bubble invaders

- Town named after eating utensil

- Predicted number of friends: 1

- School broken up into _buildings_

- Emmett Cullen: Off-limits

At least neither of them tried to hug me.

Although I probably wouldn't have minded if Emmett had.

Damn, did his girlfriend look like she wanted to bite me, or what?

This was bound to a long year.


	4. Status Report

So I made it to fourth period class in one piece. Fourth period was my elective: Art.

I was sharing a table with a girl named Angela. She had introduced herself to me, and I found myself not minding her company. I had had some conversations today that had made me want to stab myself in the heart with a exacto knife just for a change of pace… But Angela seemed genuine enough. She was quiet, perceptive, and friendly.

She had a boyfriend, Ben, whom I met in my first period class. He was friendly too, except he had an unhealthy love for martial arts movies, and he seemed wear his honesty on his face.

Personally, I think they are a good match.

As this was our first day of school, Mrs. Paquin had pulled out a bunch of art supplies and asked us to choose what we liked and create something. I chose a sketch pad and a charcoal pencil.

The discussion at the desk behind me, distracted me.

Two girls whom I had met earlier, Jessica and Lauren, were whispering behind me.

"Look at that sweatshirt, what the fuck is that green thing on it?" Jessica was saying, and I knew without a doubt that I was the topic of discussion.

"Its called Zim," Lauren informed her. "My cousin has a poster of it on his wall. Its from a cartoon or something. But is it fugly enough for you?"

Jessica snickered.

Lauren's nasally voice; that was fugly. Jessica's perm; that was fugly.

Invader Zim. So _not_ fugly. That alien was so crazy it was adorable. I still don't know why they canceled the show.

"I heard she was talking with Emmett Cullen this morning." Jessica whispered.

Lauren snorted in disbelief. "Like he'd give someone like _her_ the time of day."

Jessica giggled. "I'm just telling you what I heard."

I'm making a new list. We'll call it the "Status" list.

Status

- Mike Newton: Golden Retriever

- Tyler Crowley: Horndog

- Rosalie: Bitch

- Emmett Cullen: Greek God

- Lauren Mallory: Enemy

- Jessica Stanely: Enemy

- Angela Webber: Ally

- Ben Cheney: Ally

- Eric Yorkie: Nerd

Yeah. That covers it…. For now.

I put my pencil to paper and began to sketch. I paused every now and then, to rub in the appropriate shading with my fingers, and my drawing was finished ahead of everyone else. I grinned. Definitely an A paper.

"Angela? Angela, what do you think?" I asked, glancing over to see she had been attempting to build something with modeling clay.

She looked over and laughed then quickly covered her mouth to stifle the sound.

I had drawn a pretty good likeness of the girls sitting behind me with some…minor alterations. Jessica held a broom in one hand and a cauldron in the other. On her head was a tall hat and her curls frizzed out wildly, stretching wider than the brim. Beside her was Lauren, wearing a corset with a high collared cape flowing behind her, with long fangs hanging over her lips. In one of her hands she fisted a terrified looking bat, in her other she held a mug labeled "B pos." Both figures faces were heavily warted.

"Lovely, Bella, really," she told me with an indulgent shake of her head.

* * *

Angela invited me to sit with her and Ben at lunch and I accepted against my better judgment.

As I stood in the lunch line my eyes were drawn to a table in the corner.

Holy. Hell.

There were five of them.

Emmett Cullen, Rosalie, and three other beauties. A smaller girl -- no less beautiful than Rosalie -- with dark spiky hair, a tall blonde boy with the lean muscles of a track star, and a younger looking boy with bronze sex hair.

"You coming?" Angela asked.

I tore my eyes away from the supermodel section and followed Angela back to her table where her boyfriend Ben was already waiting.

"Hey, Ang? Who are they?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me.

"Hmm?" She looked up and flashed a knowing smile. "Oh. Those are Dr. Cullen's kids. He and his wife adopted them."

Ben snorted.

I looked at him realizing there was more to the story than that.

I caught his eye and he explained, "They're dating."

"So?" I asked. I mean, they are teenagers in high school.

"Each other." He clarified.

Huh?

Angela, seeing my confusion, elaborated. "See the blonde boy? That's Jasper Hale, he's dating the small girl, Alice Cullen. Rosalie, Jasper's twin sister, she's dating Emmett, he's the big guy with the curls. The bronze haired boy is Edward. He actually is single, but he doesn't date. I think just about every girl here has tried to get with him but he has no interest…"

"Hmm…" I eyed the one named Edward, speculatively.

He turned his head then and looked straight at me. He cocked his head curiously for a second, then his expression became frustrated as he stared. He exhaled and looked away.

"Seriously Bella, it'll be more effort than its worth…" Angela told me as she followed the focus of my gaze.

I chuckled at her assumption. "No worries, Ang. I'm not that into redheads."


	5. Score!

After lunch I took off to biology. God, I hope I don't have to dissect anything. Back in Phoenix I took AP classes (I'll add the lack of AP classes to the "Why Forks Is Hell" list later) and to my horror, Phoenix's AP biology class provided pig fetuses to dissect. I don't know what we were supposed to gain from the dissection of a pig fetus, myself not having gotten past the first five minutes of the lecture, but I really lucked out. Between the smell of formaldehyde and the sight of the dead piglets… The sensations were enough to knock me out cold. If I hadn't passed out I probably would have had to claim religious conflicts or a membership to PETA to get out of it.

I turned the corner into the lab and clamped my teeth together to stop my jaw from falling to the floor. There's one empty seat left in the entire classroom… right next to Emmett Cullen.

Awkward.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and went to claim the chair beside him.

He looked up as I sat down and smiled his brilliant, dimpled, panty dropper smile.

I felt like I was at that part in the cartoon where there was an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Except my angel and devil were both feeling oddly abusive today.

Angel: _Say something you retard!_

Devil: _No, continue to eye fuck him you pervertess._

Angel: _Be polite, Einstein, say hello, ask him how his day has gone…_

Devil: _Don't listen to that winged whore, ask him how you can make his day better…_

Angel: _Winged whore? Who are you calling a winged whore you pitchfork toting tool?_

"So we meet again!" I exclaimed to break whatever tension might have developed since the argument between my hallucinations began.

He chuckled. "That we do."

Mr. Banner called the class to order and I relaxed… I relaxed too soon. He ordered us to work with the person sitting next to us while we sorted out the stages of mitosis.

In case you missed it:

The person next me:

Emmett.

Status

- Mike Newton: Golden Retriever

- Tyler Crowley: Horndog

- Rosalie: Bitch

- Emmett Cullen: Greek God

- Lauren Mallory: Enemy

- Jessica Stanely: Enemy

- Angela Webber: Ally

- Ben Cheney: Ally

- Eric Yorkie: Nerd

- Mr. Banner: Unconsecrated Evil

The clink of a glass slide being slid under the microscope reclaimed my attention. Emmett had taken advantage of my hesitation. I took another glance at him and wondered if he knew what he was doing or if he was just bullshitting it along. He definitely had brawn, but I hoped he had brains. As hot as he was, I wasn't sure I wanted to carry his dead weight all year.

"Hey, uh, Butch?"

He turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow.

"You need some help there?" I nodded to the slide and then to the paper.

He smiled at me, those damn dimples reappearing, and answered. "Nah, I think I got it, Buttercup."

Buttercup? I like it. Butch and Buttercup? Not so much.

"Prophase," Emmett declared at the same time I muttered, "Sounds like a porno…"

"Huh?" His head jerked up from the microscope and his eyes were on mine before I could blink.

I hadn't actually meant for him to hear me, but apparently he did because I'm just lucky that way. I felt the skin on my face and neck heat up.

"Butch and Buttercup. It sounds like a porno." I told him.

He shook with silent laughter. Hella yeah. I made the Greek god laugh. Score one for me.

I grabbed the microscope and tugged it to me.

"Metaphase," I told him, watching as Mike Newton and his lab partner pathetically opened the textbook under their desk.

"I take it you have a lot of experience in that area?" Emmett responded, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I grinned. "Oh, yeah. You know I'm all about the bow-chica-wow-wow…"

He laughed again.

As it turned out, Butch had brains so we finished the assignment ahead of the rest of the class.

We sat in awkward silence. I noticed him staring holes in the assignment sheet but my attention turned to Mike and his friend who were still cheating. I eyed them speculatively. In all the awkward silence boredom took hold. Just ask anyone…When Bella Swan gets bored madness ensues…

I pulled out a piece of notebook paper and began to create a masterpiece. Folding, first one way… Then the other…

"Origami?" Emmett asked leaning over my shoulder.

"Paper football," I answered; making the last fold and tucking in the loose ends nice and snug.

"Oh! I know this game!" He exclaimed and I glanced at him curiously. Of course he knows this game. What teenage boy doesn't? Why does he look so excited like he just won the lotto? I smiled at his expression though… apparently excitement made his face light up. It looked nice.

"Did you want to play?"

"No," I answered; then considered kicking myself when I saw his disappointment. But the answer was already out of my mouth and I would be foolish to turn away from my original plan now. Maybe I would if Emmett were single…

I turned away from Emmett.

I lined up my shot.

Prepared the football for launch.

Estimated how much force was needed behind my fingers for me to hit my target.

Kick-off.

The little paper triangle sailed through the air like a Stealth Bomber, just as accurate but not nearly as deadly. It collided with the side of Newton's face and fell to the desk. He jumped in surprise and the book on his lap crashed to the ground.

Mr. Banner looked up and barked, "Newton! Tedeschi! I said books away! See me after class!"

Both Newton flushed scarlet and Tedeschi sank lower in his chair. Both boys glared at the paper football no doubt wondering where it came from.

Emmett chuckled. "Nice shot."

I looked at him and saw that he was positively beaming.

I grinned back at him, "Thanks."

The bell rang, effectively ending class.


	6. Yikes

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Predicted number of friends: 1

- Surplus of personal bubble invaders

- Town named after eating utensil

- School broken up into _buildings_

- No AP classes _(See! I told you I'd add it!)_

- Emmett Cullen: Off-limits

- Emmett Cullen: In my gym class

That's right folks. The hits just keep on coming.

In case you've been wondering, I find the lists to be cathartic. I made my first list when I was a little girl. I called it my "Christmas" list. Sound familiar? That's because you've probably made one too. Except back then it was spelled more like _Kristmus _as opposed to _Christmas._ Okay, so my AP level intelligence didn't strike until middle school, so sue me. Regardless, I discovered list were a good way to organize my thoughts and emotions and other crap like that… It helps keep the mind clutter to a minimum. Now my lists taunt me, all because Emmett made the _Why Forks Equals Hell_ list twice.

As if living in a small town doesn't have enough drawbacks, my final class, gym, bane of my existence, had to be shared with Emmett.

"_Alright, class, we are starting off our year with basketball." Coach Clapp announced proudly while holding up the offensive orange ball. "So I assume everyone has a basic understanding of this game? Two teams, one ball, two hoops. In order to score, the ball must go through the hoop… Yes?" He smiled when he saw our heads nod. "Alright, today we'll just play so I can see what you know, and tomorrow I will take you over the finer points of the game."_

_Coach Clapp -- by the way, what is up with that name?-- proceeded to pick out a team captains and split us up. Then he blew his stupid little whistle to begin the game._

_Five minutes in, I tripped on __**someone **__**else's**__ shoelace, and Emmett caught me. Someone made the mistake of passing me the ball and it slipped through my hands and collided with my face. Everybody saw that. Then, with five minutes left of class, I turned to quickly, slipped on the overly polished floor, and then proceeded to take two others down with me._

_Those who weren't in hysterics were glaring at me like I had two heads._

I could still hear his big booming laugh echoing around the gymnasium. I could still feel my cheeks getting hotter than they ever had.

I pulled the pillow out from behind my head and smushed it down over my face. Was it possible to smother oneself?

"Bells! Dinner!" Charlie yelled up the stairs.

I growled into my pillow before hauling myself out of bed.

I worked at pasting a happy expression on my face but the attempt failed miserably when I got a glimpse at my dad's cooking.

One word describes it.

Yikes.

It was supposed to be spaghetti… I _think_.

If I was right, then the pasta had melded together into a super-glob that simultaneously looked menacing and repulsive.

The sauce smelled of burnt tomato and was still bubbling from being overheated even though it had been removed from the pot and poured onto the super-glob.

I sat down with Charlie at the kitchen table and eyed the suspicious looking food before giving him a pointed look.

"What? It's fine," He said and picked up his fork.

Yeah, sure it is Charlie. If you say it enough it must be true.

I picked up my fork too, and watched him using the edge of his to cut through the glob.

I prepared to stick my fork in too, but stopped to look at it again.

"Daddy? Please, _please_ don't make me eat this…" I pleaded.

Charlie looked at me with surprise and then looked at his plate.

"What do you like on your pizza?" He sighed.

I gave a sigh of relief. "Pepperoni and bacon."

He smiled getting to his feet. "Great minds…"

I waited for him to place our order, before tackling our new found issue.

"Um, Dad? I know how to cook. I'd be happy to take charge of the kitchen from now on…"

"Oh, Bells, you don't have to do that, I can cook…"

"Yes. Yes, I do… And no, no you can't…" I shot another look at the treacherous glob.

He chuckled. "Alright, listen, I'm going to pick up the pizza, I'll be back soon."

While I waited for him to come home with real food, I got to work destroying the evidence of his cooking skills. No one could ever find out about this. When I was finished I took inventory of our fridge and pantries so I could make a shopping list. The inventory was a waste of time because all we had were basic condiments, a carton of OJ passed its expiration date, one can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle, and a box of some cardboard looking cereal called FiberFlakes.

I believe the word, _Yikes_, still applies.

As I put pen to paper I heard a knock on the door.

"Back already? What did you forget the house key?" I called out with a laugh.

I made my way to the front door and opened it for Charlie. Except it wasn't Charlie standing there.

Yikes.

Yeah, that word works.


	7. Surprise!

I gasped. My mouth hung open stupidly and I knew that it was, but I still couldn't close it.

I was delirious. Charlie's cooking was so potent that the smell alone gave me some kind of food poisoning and now I was utterly delirious. That was the only solid explanation I could come up with. Why else would he be standing on my doorstep, wearing a cowboy hat?

I know what you are thinking. You're thinking, _A cowboy hat? Really, Isabella?_

The truth is I am just as shocked as you are. I had no idea I had a cowboy fantasy tucked away. Maybe the image was so hot that my subconscious tried to protect me from sexual frustration by suppressing the image to the best of its abilities. Now, having failed in its attempt, my hallucinatory erotica was here to fulfill a fantasy I didn't know I had fantasized about. All because Charlie cant cook.

Only a few seconds had passed, but it was long enough for me to realize that Charlie's cooking was not _that_ bad, I did _not_ have a cowboy fetish, and this image was a turn _off_ because, damn, talk about making out with your brother…

"Hey, Bella," Jacob greeted with a smile.

"Hey, Jacob. What's with the hat?" I asked, stepping aside so he could come in.

"Huh? Oh! Hat Day at school."

"Hat day?"

"Oh, yeah, our school has a policy against hats during school hours, but they've got Hat Day, where you pay five bucks to wear a hat to school. It goes to buying new books or something, I don't know, but people usually get creative about it. My buddy, Quil, he showed up with one of those beer dispensing helmets, except it wasn't beer it was Sunny D."

"Fascinating," I muttered.

Now that the surprise of the visit has worn off I began feeling slightly disappointed that there was no pizza in the house.

As if he was reading my mind he asked, "So where's the Chief?"

"He's gone out to pick us up a pizza." I informed him. "Jake? Not that I don't appreciate the visit, but…"

"Oh, dad sent me by with some of Harry's fish fry." Jake raised a fist and I noticed the paper bag in his hand for the first time.

"Thanks," I told him.

I meant it too. I knew my dad was an avid fisherman and our utility freezer in the basement was stockpiled with enough fish to get us through Armageddon. My mother wasn't a big fan of fish, yet another reason for their break up, so I never had much cause to cook it. This saved me some stress until I could find some clever recipes.

"Put it in the fridge," he advised, "It will last longer."

I nodded my affirmation and headed to the fridge.

"How was your first day at Forks High?" He asked.

I flashbacked to gym class and as I was swinging the door shut I closed it with more force than I intended.

The fridge and its few contents rattled.

Jacob laughed. "That bad huh?"

I didn't have enough dignity left to risk losing more of it by defending or explaining, so I settled for glaring.

"Why don't you come by the rez tomorrow? We can hang out," He offered. "I will show you my new project. I've been restoring a new car, a Volkswagen Rabbit."

"Is it fast?" I asked, having never heard of it myself.

"What kind of pizza did you get?" he asked.

I grinned as I caught his not to subtle subject change. "Pepperoni and bacon. Want to stay for dinner?"

"Nah, I should get home."

Jacob hesitated then walked over to me. He took the hat from his head and set it down on mine. Before I had the chance to react he had grabbed me and I was experiencing hug number two.

"Cheer up, Bells," He said pulling back. "It can't get worse, can it?"

It shouldn't be able to… But this is my life we are talking about and it usually does.

* * *

**Ha-ha!**

**You all thought it was going to be Emmett, didnt you? **

**I know this was a small chapter and i apologize, but i really think the sarcastic cuteness of Bella makes up for it.**


	8. How To Escape A Golden Retriever

Mike Newton, my new and faithful companion, never figured out that it was me who was responsible for the paper football attack, nor has he figured out that I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever, so by the time lunch hour rolled around I was seriously considering pulling out some moves I learned from _PrisonBreak._

I considered my options carefully.

A) Rubbing the end of a plastic fork against the masonry to create a shank.

B) Having large goons hold him down while I cut his toes off with lockcutters.

C) Hitting him in the head with something heavy.

Option A was too messy so I disregarded it. Option B was too gross… If I couldn't dissect a pig fetus there was no way I'd be able to cut off a toe…. Besides, where would I find goons in Forks? Option C was tempting but with my clumsiness, after I knocked Mike out, I'd probably knock myself out thus leaving my unconscious body at the scene of the crime.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking someone should seriously monitor my tv viewing habits. But don't even try messing with my _PrisonBreak._ I'd cut a bitch for that.

"…anyways, I went up to him…"

Jesus fucking Christ, was he _still_ talking?

"Mike?" I interrupted him.

He paused and looked at me with his blue puppy dog eyes and his hopeful smile…

"Mike, do you mind if I catch up? I need to use the ladies room…"

"Do you want me to come with you and I can wait outside--"

"No, no, I can remember the way to the cafeteria. I will meet you there." Clingy much?

He looked disappointed and nodded. I turned before he could say anything else and headed off to the restroom. Seriously though, what guy wants to accompany a girl to the bathroom? I thought most boys preferred pretending the females had no bodily functions aside from giggling, crying, and orgasms.

He must really like me.

I sighed as I entered the bathroom. I never had this much trouble deterring overly interested boys back in Phoenix… I must be losing my touch.

I glanced in the mirror and rolled my eyes. Someone had actually done that thing where they apply fresh lipstick and proceed to kiss the mirror… I cringed just thinking about the idea. Had that girl any idea how many germs a public bathroom mirror could have crawling on it? Did her poor boyfriend have any idea where her lips had been?

I shook my head. The youth of Forks frightened me.

I figured I had given Mike enough of a head start and left the bathroom.

As I headed toward the cafeteria I heard familiar voices arguing.

"It shouldn't have happened at all!" Rosalie was angry about something.

"Rosie, baby, what did you expect me to--" Emmett's tone was pleading but she cut him off.

"I expect you stop acting like a child all the time! You aren't one, Emmett, you only play one in real life!"

I didn't quite understand her snide remark, but it was definitely an insult, that much was clear from the hurt I saw on Emmett's face when I rounded the corner. I pulled back and flattened myself against the building and out of sight. I didn't want to draw attention to myself by interrupting; that Rosalie chick scared me. But I felt immensely guilty, overhearing an argument that was clearly meant to be private.

"Rosalie, that's not fair."

I heard the hurt in his voice and I clenched my fists together. I didn't like hearing him like this. I saw the way his face lit up when he got excited, I saw the cherubic smile that graced his godly features when he was happy, I heard his thunderous laughter when he was amused. How anyone could intentionally try to chase these attributes out of his features with cruel words was beyond me. I'd do anything to see him smile, I'd play paper football with him if he asked me to…

Woah. Obsess much, Bella?

"Whatever. We'll talk about this at home."

I heard Rosalie's high-heels click away, and waited until there was absolute silence before emerging.

I gasped in surprise.

I thought he was gone.

He was rubbing his face with his hand, his shoulder hunched with the stress of the fight.

When he heard me gasp he spun around faster than should have been possible.

"Hey," I said after a moment of silence.

His eyes narrowed at the guilt on my face. "How much did you hear?"

"Just the ending," I assured him, trying to think of away to make him smile again.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "What's with the hat?"

I blushed and gave a sheepish smile.

Last night I had caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror with the cowboy hat on… I made a discovery. Western? Not a bad look for me.

"A friend gave it to me. I liked it."

Then he did smile. "I hope you thanked whoever it was… Calamity Jane just wouldn't be complete without her hat."

I cringed as I realized he was alluding to my performance in gym yesterday. "Calamity Jane was an alcoholic and a prostitute." Which was true. "Are you calling me a whore?" But I had to screw with him a little. I may feel bad for him and his recent dispute, but I didn't want him to laugh at my expense either.

His face looked horrorstruck. "No! No, I didn't mean…" He trailed off as he caught me laughing.

You could almost see the light bulb flick on in his head.

He threw back his head and laughed with me.

"Well played, Buttercup, well played."

I shrugged and gave him what I thought was a coy smile.

"You know," he said, "I will get you for that."

I searched his face and realized he wasn't bluffing.

"Bring it, Butch," I challenged.

I fully admit that part of my challenge was based on the fact that I wanted more interaction with Emmett even if I could never have him in that way. And who was I kidding? His league and my league were leagues away from each other. The only way someone like me could get with someone like him is if we were the last two people on earth and he had a Viagra overdose and out of control alcoholism.


	9. Friends

Mike balanced himself on the edge of the table and I was about to tell him to take a hike when his body went rigid.

"Newton."

I peered around Mike's body and grinned with relief at the appearance of my Herculean savior.

Mike nodded and retreated while Mr. Banner called the class to order.

The lab was astonishingly easy today and once again Emmett and I finished way ahead of the rest of the class.

"So…" I said trying to disturb the awkward silence.

"So…" He echoed.

"So what were you and Rosalie going at it about?"

He snorted. "Smooth intro, Bella."

I thought so. "Well?"

"Why would I tell you?" He raised a perfect eyebrow.

"Because we are friends." Okay, I may have been jumping the gun a little but you only live once, right?

"Is that what you think?"

I couldn't tell if he was joking or not so I had to think fast.

"Well, I've been making a list. We have given each other nicknames, you didn't deck me for the Calamity Jane joke, you seemed to appreciate my assault on Mike Newton's poor ethics, you've witnessed my outstanding athletic ability and still have the nerve to be seen speaking with me…"

He gave his dimple faced, cherub's smile again. "You're prowess in basketball was pretty outstanding."

I growled. "Stupid Coach Clapp. I warned him… And what's with that name? _Coach Clapp_? It sounds like he should be doing infomercials against unprotected sex."

"Speaking of STDs…"

I recognized the change of his tone of voice and eyed him suspiciously.

He leaned in and, with eyebrow waggle, he whispered, "What's the deal with Newton? Have you and he done the deed yet?"

When he leaned in to whisper, his scent filled my nose, and I kid you not, he smelled so good it abruptly stopped all function in my brain. It didn't smell like cologne, but it was sweet and masculine at the same time… like lilies and leather.

Wait a minute, what did he ask?

Then I remembered and I jerked my eyes from the glaze I'm sure they had and tried to turn them into a glare.

"Oh, bite me," I growled, trying to be all fierce.

He gave a strange sounding chuckle and I heard him mutter, "I don't think my family would approve."

* * *

Okay, so gym class was mildly better today, but that's probably because all we did was sit on the bleachers and listen to Coach Clapp explain all about basketball. It helped that Emmett seemed to warm to the idea of us being friends and sat next to me. And passed notes.

I am overly pleased to tell you he passed the first note.

Emmett: _What's with the extra P?_

Me: _**What?**_

Emmett: _Clapp. What does he need the extra P for?_

Me: _**He's greedy?**_

Emmett: _I think he's compensating for something. ; - D_

I snorted at that which of course caught the Coach's attention. When he came over to investigate, the note had vanished.

It was after gym class that sucked.

Emmett did promise he'd get his revenge.

You see, when we left class, we left it together which did not go unnoticed.

Tyler Crowley saw us who then pointed us out to Mike. Mike and Tyler ogled like idiots and of course Yorkie had to look for the object of their attentions. So the three of them were switching between a death glare for Emmett and determined "she's mine" stare for me. It was more than a little creepy. Emmett didn't help.

With a smirk on his face he waved Newton over.

Mike approached slowly and eyed Emmett warily, like he was expecting Emmett to pull a gun or something.

"Hey, Newton!" Emmett was overly exuberant. Something bad was coming. I could feel it and I knew I couldn't stop it.

"Um, hi, Cullen." Mike was shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

"I just wanted to thank you." Emmett said sounding sincere.

I tried to edge away, make an escape, but Emmett threw a thick arm around my shoulder to hold me in place. I saw the jealousy flash in Mike's eyes at Emmett's physical contact with me and I felt my blush moving in for the kill.

"Th-thank me?" Mike stuttered.

"Yes. For being such a good friend to Bella. She and I have gotten to know each other a bit, _as_ _friends_, and she was just telling me how nice you've been to her and how much she enjoys spending time with you."

Mike's eyes lit up with hope. "Really?"

That's it. The Greek god _must_ die.

"Oh, sure!" Emmett nodded his head. "In fact, she was just saying today that she wishes she could get to know you better."

The Greek god must die _slowly_.

"Anyways," Emmett spoke with a regretful tone in his voice, "I have to get to the car, my brothers and sisters will be wondering where I am. See ya."

He walked away, giving me a wink behind Mike's back.

The he left me here with Mike who was giving me his puppy love googly eyes.

"Can I walk you to your truck?" He asked.

The Greek god _will_ pay.

* * *

I was driving up to La Push to see Jacob and the crap car he was rebuilding (I Googled it and wasn't impressed).

I admired the little rustic houses. The focus in this community _was_ community. It had a friendly, welcoming atmosphere… and it was located on the coast so it was slightly less of a green hell than Forks was. Regretful emphasis on _slightly._

I pulled up to the Jake and Billy's place and the door opened.

I got out of the pick-up as Billy rolled on to the porch.

"Bella? Jacob ran down to the general store up the street. He should be back soon. Would you like to come in and wait?"

"Nah, I'll hunt him down."

Billy didn't object and I remembered where the little store was, so I decided to go on foot. It wasn't a long walk.

Ten minutes later I was walking into the place with the little jingle bells attached to the door tinkling.

I spotted Jacob right away, but he didn't seem to notice me. He was standing with two other boys; one was wide with muscle (he had nothing on Emmett) and was short, while the other was tall and wiry.

I tried to take quieter steps to catch them by surprise.

I caught a snippet of the conversation before the burly one spotted me.

"-she's so hot, man, it should be illegal." The tall one was saying.

Jacob snorted. "Yeah, like you have a shot."

"Oh, and you do?" The tall one shot back.

That's when the burly one started elbowing Jacob frantically and hissed, "Shhh…"

They all stared at me like a deer caught in the head lights and blushed simultaneously.

I had experienced this crisis before. See, what was happening here, was that they had just been caught by a member of the fairer sex talking about the fairer sex in a not so gentlemanly way. They were waiting for me to take offense. The only way to snap them out of this would be for me to say something equally laden with testosterone.

I dug down deep and came up with, "You found a hottie, hmm?"

Nobody answered.

"What is it? Legs, ass, boobs, or face?"

The wiry one's mouth fell open, Jacob grinned his wide sunny grin, and the thickset kid answered, "All of the above."

"Guys, this is Bella, I told you she was coming up." Jacob pointed to his left, to the boy with the muscles. "This is Quil." Then he pointed to his right where the tall kid had recovered and was now smiling. "This is Embry." Then he added, "I told you guys you'd like her, didn't I?"

The conversation moved from analyzing the various aspects of their love interest's body and on to safe less awkward subjects for which I was thankful.

We talked a little about family, school, weather… Clearly, Embry and Quil weren't familiar with befriending girls and were trying to stick to safe subjects… Then I brought up Jacob's car and the three of them were off talking mechanics like it was a foreign language that was both fascinating, but indistinguishable to me.

Once they loosened up I getting to know them was easier.

Quil was really sweet personality wise. He came off as the kind of guy who would buy his girlfriend flowers for no other reason than because he could. The kind of guy who would give the shirt off his back to a friend in need. At the same time he wasn't a pushover… he was currently suspended from school for fighting.

Embry was a bit of a jokester and a bit of a mama's boy. It was a quirky combo. He'd be joking one minute about Jacob and mine relationship then asking me for the time because he couldn't be late for dinner. He invited me to eat over, but I declined when he said "spaghetti." I was having nightmares about Charlie's spaghetti and wasn't about to cross _that_ road again anytime soon.

When I left, my _Why Forks Equals Hell_ list had changed.

Why Forks Equals Hell

- Wet

- Cold

- Small minded people

- Surplus of personal bubble invaders

- Town named after eating utensil

- School broken up into _buildings_

- No AP classes _(See! I told you I'd add it!)_

- Emmett Cullen: Off-limits

- Emmett Cullen: In my gym class

"_Friends_" is what was removed from the list. I now had those.

* * *

**I know you've been waiting for Emmett's and Bella's friendship to really start off so there it is.**

**They will not hook up in a romantic way for awhile. Things must happen first.**

**I've decided not to make Jacob crush on Bella. I think she's got enough problems falling in love with a married vampire, don't you?**

**Don't forget to give a review! I love those!**


	10. Two Birds, One Stone

After Emmett's little stunt Tuesday afternoon, Mike's intensity doubled. Aside from wanting to escort me everywhere, he now wanted to carry my things for me. I know, I know, _the horror someone wants to be __**nice**__ to me_… In retrospect, the chivalrous attitude is something that I should have considered a respectable way of wooing me, but between the fact I didn't want him to woo me and the fact that I grew up in a city (people steal other people's belongings) I didn't want him to carry my things.

I began to get creative at avoiding Mike Newton. He was a nice guy and I was being harsh to him, but I just didn't feel _that_ feeling for him. I couldn't just come out and say that I wasn't interested as he hadn't exactly vocalized his interest. I had hope my harsh attitude would send a message but it just convinced him to try harder.

Persistence is a bitch.

Avoiding Mike meant encountering Tyler. Tyler's intentions were not as pure as Mike's if Mike's intentions could be considered pure which part of me sincerely doubts. However, I figured Tyler was the lesser of two evils. He at least had to have known that his tactics might be considered revolting to the girl he was pursuing. Even if I returned his lustful feelings, which I didn't, I still wouldn't get with Tyler. I mean, what self respecting girl gets with a guy who drives a _van_? I admit this is automotive profiling and I am not ashamed to do it because: Unmarked van + Young Girl + Horny Guy = Picture on a milk carton.

I refuse to be a _Have you seen this child _child.

I considered coming up with a creative way of ditching them both, but figured whatever I decided would lead to another unwanted admirer or worse, Eric. Eric was nice enough, and he certainly wasn't as bold as Mike or Tyler to openly chase me and in reality I had nothing against nerds. I had a friend back in Phoenix who was a nerd. But if the history of the world shows us anything, it is that a scorned nerd has the capability to become a psycho stalker and really, who needs one of those?

I decided not to put a rush order on the revenge. I was going to get revenge, but I wanted to make sure it was really done right. So I settled for playfully sniping with Emmett every chance I got during Biology and Gym. If he suspected anything he never showed it. He would just laugh and return fire. I didn't ask him about Rosalie again although I really wanted to… I didn't like seeing him upset and the subject made him unhappy.

Friday morning I woke up, fully prepared to put my plan into action.

The closer I got to school the more the excitement grew.

Victory will be mine.

Or so I thought.

* * *

I rummaged around in my locker before homeroom trying to make the books fit in the too small storage space when a strange feeling drifted over me.

I froze.

I was not alone.

I pulled back and closed the door and turned to look at the girl who was quietly waiting behind it.

Emmett's sister.

"Hello! I'm Alice and you're Bella, right?"

Her voice was high-pitched, but musical, like wind chimes.

I had a flashback to that first day in the parking lot, the high-pitched voice yelling to Emmett,_ "Jeez, Em, kill the new girl, why don't you? Help her up and let's go!"_

So that had been Alice.

"Hi, Alice," I responded awkwardly, blushing as I acknowledged the awkwardness.

"You've been spending time with Emmett," she said with a satisfied smile. It wasn't a question.

"Um, yeah I have," I confirmed, shifting my weight from foot to foot as I tried to figure out what she was getting at.

"He likes you, you know…"

_Okaaaay….._

"I like him too."

"Oh, I know." She answered, smiling a little wider.

_Awkward…_

After a second she grinned wider. "You and I are going to be friends too! Like sisters!" Alice just declared this like there was nothing weird going on here and I wondered if she was in a "special" class because, let's face it, even the ceiling tiles were quick enough to pick up on the uncomfortable-ness of this conversation.

"Um, Alice, I don't mean to be rude, but…" _Why are you here? What led to this strange impromptu meeting? Will you please stop creeping me out?_ "I think we are going to be late."

"Oh! Not to worry, your homeroom teacher is out sick and the substitute is going to be late. No one will know."

_???????????_

"Anyways," she continued, ignoring the baffled look on my face, "I wanted to tell you that Emmett isn't here today."

_WHAT_!

Now she had my attention.

"What do you mean he isn't here?"

She giggled. "He and my other brothers decided to take their weekend camping trip a day early. My Jasper was anxious to go."

"But I was going to…" I stopped myself. Alice was Emmett's sister. Would she tell him what I was planning?

"Were you going to get him back today?" It was a question, but it didn't feel like she really wanted the answer. "He told me he was expecting retaliation and was surprised when there was none. I'm sorry if this ruins your plans."

Damn it.

"Anyways, I am going shopping after school. Would you like to come?"

Shopping? Maybe she is nuts.

"No, I have… plans." I guess I had been meaning to visit Jake again…

Then I saw the look on her face. It was like I killed her puppy.

"I'd take a rain check though?" I offered.

Her face lit up. It was like I had given her a puppy.

"Excellent." She smiled her satisfied smile again.

Emmett's not here, now my plan's shot to hell.

His freaky little sister is expecting me to take a shopping trip.

Eric is waving at me excitedly over Alice's shoulder.

What next?

* * *

It wasn't until Art class that inspiration struck me like a bolt of lightening.

I don't know where Lauren learned to whisper but she sucked at it.

Today's topic under scrutiny: My pants.

Today I was wearing a white long sleeved undershirt under my black _Potter Puppet Pals_ t-shirt. When I found that t-shirt I had to have it. It was the "…even Ron" part that stole my heart. The t-shirt said "We're ALL Wizards!" and underneath that there was a picture of the Hermione, Dumbledore, and Harry puppets. Then underneath that, and slightly off to the side, is the caption "Even Ron" with the Ron puppet beneath. Poor Ron. Always being picked on.

However, I didn't have a big selection of pants to choose from. I lived in Arizona for Christ's sakes. I didn't need to wear jeans all the time. The only _clean_ pair of jeans I had -- Charlie doesn't do laundry regularly, so I must take control of that as soon as possible -- were over worn blue jeans with several different Forks Police Department clothes patches ironed on. I had created them last year, I had been bored out of my mind and, well after seeing my interaction with Mike, I'm sure you can guess the rest. My dad had been tickled pink to see me wearing them this morning.

The bell rang and I told Angela I'd meet her at lunch. I took my time gathering my things and waited.

Then it was just Lauren and me.

"Oh, Lauren?"

She turned around and stared at me.

_Yes, bimbo, I'm talking to you…_

"Lauren, I was wondering if I could talk to you?"

"About what?" She snapped, getting over her confusion.

I tried to act like her bitchiness didn't bother me and soothed myself with the knowledge I'd be killing two birds with one stone.

"Well, do you know the Cullens?"

"Who doesn't?"

"Well, Emmett Cullen and I are sort of friends and he was asking about you."

Her jaw dropped a little and I nearly laughed.

"What do you mean?" She asked, drifting closer to me now that I had her attention.

I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure. "He wondered if I could find out your situation… You know, like who you're dating…"

"I'm not dating anyone… but… wait… Emmett _Cullen_? I mean… What about Rosalie?"

I laughed and was glad I didn't have to fake laughter. I was bad at faking laughter. As it was, this was hysterical.

"Oh, _that_? Those are just rumors, I hope you don't really believe that stuff!"

"What? No, of course I don't--"

"Emmett's really shy, that's why he hasn't said anything to you." I sighed, shook my head and put on a somber face. I leaned forward and lowered my voice. She was practically drooling. "You know he's adopted right?" She nodded eagerly. "Well, the system really messed him up before Dr. Cullen found him. Now he's all shy and has a hard time approaching beautiful woman. Rosalie is always clinging to him, but she's more for his protection. Emmett really has a thing for you, but he is too afraid of rejection to make the first move."

"Wow." Lauren breathed out, her face blushing for once instead of mine.

"Anyways, I just thought I'd grease the wheels a little, you know? If you were interested, you should know he's interested, but you might have to make the first move considering he can barely speak around pretty girls…"

Damn, her face was glowing.

"Wow," she repeated.

If I'm not in hell now, I will be going there later.

I nodded to her, looked around like I was afraid we were being watched, and headed to the door leaving her digesting my words.

Monday was gonna be fun.

* * *

**A/N:**

I have created a Twilight Fanfic blog, where I will be posting:

- teasers, fanfic updates, and ideas for upcoming projects for my stories

- fanfic reviews/recomendations

- other fanfic related news that I think might be of interest.

So Follow me for updates at http://equivampsnotebook(dot)blogspot(dot)com/

Also for those of you familiar with Potter Puppet Pals, I am aware that there wizard t-shirt only comes in brown and purple, but god damned it, i wanted to see it in black.


	11. Dr Cullen and How I Met Him

I walked up the hallway toward the biology lab. I tripped and stumbled and my books fell out of my arms to the floor. I knelt down and picked up my things; nobody stopped to help. Not even Mike.

I glanced up at Mike as he passed by. My eyes followed his back as he approached the classroom door. He hesitated, just outside the threshold, turned, and walked away. I frowned; where did he think he was off to?

I started to get back to my feet when I saw two more classmates approach the door. They too hesitated, before entering, and then turned away.

_WTF_?

Slowly, warily, I approached the door, hesitating as the others had done before me. I glanced at the blackboard expecting to see a class cancellation notice or a message redirecting me to another room, but there was nothing. So I did what the others hadn't: I walked in.

The room was empty with the exception of one seat.

"Hey, Butch," I greeted.

By now I realized that I was dreaming, but even in my dreams I couldn't resist Emmett Cullen.

He looked up and smiled is big, dimpled smile.

He stood up, shook his head at me, and stepped away.

I stretched a hand out to him. "Emmett, what's wrong?"

He just smiled again and stepped another step away from me.

I leaned forward--

"Ow!" I yelled out in surprise.

"Bells?" Charlie called my name from down the hall.

"Son of a--" I muttered.

The door was thrown open and the lights flicked on.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Charlie kneeled beside me and helped untangled my from my sheets.

"My wrist hurts," I moaned.

Charlie hauled me upright -- a part of my brain stored my father's surprising strength away for later evaluation -- and pushed me back into bed.

"Let me see," Charlie grunted, reaching out a hand.

I hesitated, put blind faith in the hope that Charlie's first-aid knowledge was better than his culinary skills, and then held out my wrist. I glanced down at his calloused hand and where it prodded my -- _Oh, God, I really shouldn't have looked! _-- swelling wrist.

"Bells," he sighed. "Only you."

"I know," I concurred.

"Can you move your fingers?"

"Mmm," I murmured and gave them a wiggle. "Yeah."

"I don't think its broken, but maybe we should get it looked at."

Great.

* * *

"Hospital policy," Nurse Bloodsucker replied to the expression of refusal on my face.

No wonder she got stuck on the night shift. They wanted to limit her patient interaction. This bitch is more unpleasant than the nurse who has to say, "Please, bend over…" while she waves a frighteningly invasive looking hose.

When she admitted me, she actually didn't believe that I had done this to myself by accident. Apparently, its not a common occurrence for the Forks ER to admit people for falling out of bed in the dead of night and breaking a wrist. She asked if someone was threatening me… Charlie was right there! If she suspected that it was Charlie… I mean, we know it wasn't, but if it was, did she really expect me to say so right in front of him?

Then when she did the standard procedure admittance crap, she got sidetracked and left the blood pressure cuff on my arm. It wasn't one of those pump-by-hand blood pressure cuffs either, it was one of the automatics… So of course it got tighter and tighter until it pinched uncomfortably, then she took down the information and became all "Oh, look, a butterfly…" Then when I brought her attention to the fact that I was getting blood pressure cuff burn, she asked me to stop being hostile. Hostile?

I got in the wheelchair and allowed her to push me up to radiology and did my best to ignore her.

The x-rays were taken in seconds, no muss, no fuss, been there, done that. Charlie lurked about in a mother hen fashion and I prayed he would not feel the need to call Renee about this.

The nurse from the greenest hell on earth then pushed me into an exam room to wait for the doctor.

I waited.

And waited.

Waited some more.

And then…

In walked the doctor.

And may I just say, _Hot. Damn._ And add on top of that, _How many more are there?_

"Sorry to keep you waiting," the famed Dr. Cullen, in all his blonde, not-old-but-older-than-me goodness, apologized.

"Chief Swan!" Dr. Cullen seemed a little surprised to see Charlie here and his golden eyes flashed back to my face. "You must be his Isabella," Dr. Cullen guessed with a smile, without even looking at my chart. I nodded in confirmation while cringing at the use of my full name. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

"It's Bella," I corrected. "I know who you are." I flushed red as I realized how rude that sounded and rushed to cover it up. "I'm friends with Emmett."

"Emmett? One of your boys?" Charlie asked as Dr. Cullen flicked on the lighted board to look at my x-rays. The suspicious look Charlie shot me, did not go unnoticed. I rolled my eyes.

What was I supposed to tell him?

_Hey dad, guess what? I inadvertently molested Emmett Cullen in the parking lot my first day of school, but given the chance I'd probably do it on purpose. Oh! That reminds me, I currently spend a lot of time passing notes to him in class when I am supposed to be hard at work learning so I can do things like get into a decent college and get a career…_

"Yes, one of my elder sons," Dr. Cullen answered.

Charlie grunted and glared at me, which I ignored.

"Alright, Bella," Dr. Cullen turned to me with a smile. "Its not broken."

He came closer and took my wrist in his cold fingers -- doctor's hands -- and gave me a quick look over.

"You've just strained it, I'm going to give you a brace and you should put some ice on it to keep the swelling down but you should be fine in couple of days."

He opened a drawer and took out what I assumed was the before mentioned brace.

"So how do you know Emmett?" Dr. Cullen asked. I'm sure he was just trying to distract me, but really, he didn't have to worry. I had no desire to look.

"He's in my biology class and in my gym class. We just kind of hit it off," I murmered, flinching as I felt the pressure on my wrist.

He nodded and pulled away.

"Go home and try to get some more sleep in before school," he gave me what I'm sure he thought was an encouraging smile. Little did the good doctor know, that _sleeping_ is what got me into this mess.

But when in Rome…

"Um, Dr. Cullen?" I asked, getting off the gurney and to my feet. "Is Emmett back from his camping trip?'

"Yes," he informed me with a smirk that made me think I wasn't being as blasé as I hoped I was. "I'll tell him you said hi."

I walked out of there slightly numbed with horror.

I didn't want Emmett to know I'd asked about him, did I?

I couldn't very well explain to his dad that I had a crush, especially if I wasn't even going to tell _my_ dad, could I?

I cheered up by reminding myself that Emmett would be back and Lauren would be ready.


End file.
